We all have those situations when our child is melting down (and maybe we are, too!) and we don't know what to do. Do we explain? Do we send them away to "think about" what they've done? How can we teach them what is appropriate when they don't seem to be hearing a thing we're saying?
This mini-course is designed to give you the tools you need in daily life to understand what's happening with your child and learn what to do in the moment of upset that will help decrease those difficult moments and increase peace and connection. You'll learn how the Brain Stoplight tool applies to tantrums and emotional upsets so you understand what's happening in the brain, as well as what to do in the moment with your child using handy, easy to remember colors. This transformed my relationship with emotion and my children. I know it will be helpful for you and your family, too.
When my oldest son was about 8, I was ready to tear my hair out. I didn’t know what to do about his seemingly constant emotional upsets (there’s no reason for him to be upset!). He was having meltdowns for 2 hours after school each day, along with many other times, and I didn’t really know how to help him.
I’m going to be talking about what to do and how you can shift what you’re looking at in your family. I’ll introduce the concepts of regulation and dysregulation and why all of this feels so hard. The brain stoplight will guide us through what to do and when. You’ll learn about boundaries and how you can set them when your child is often upset. We’ll talk about how you can connect on yellow and how to be there when your child is on red.
These things literally transformed my family and I’m really excited to share them with you!
Your own experiences with feelings in childhood and now have an impact on what happens in your family when your kids express their feelings. Start unpacking just a little bit of your own experience and learn what needs to happen to help your child move all the way through a feeling. It probably isn't what you think.
What does it feel in your body when you’re on “green” light? For me, I notice my shoulders relaxing. I don’t notice any areas of tension. I feel like reaching out and connecting with others. I want to sit and read a book or go for a walk. Or snuggle.
When you start shifting out of green and into your emotional brain, what do you notice in your body? I start to notice a bit more tension in my shoulders. I may feel a little fidgety, I’m more easily distracted.
Red light is a really challenging place. When I first started working with this, my son and I were on red a lot. A lot meaning that we were on red most of the time. We each looked very different on red.
This is a great activity that you can do with your kids as an awareness tool. Usually there’s a child who is having a difficult time and it is easy to identify that child as the one with the problem. This activity doesn’t zero one person out in a family, which allows everyone to learn and process together.
You may find yourself saying things like, “Act your age!” or “You’re acting like a 2 year old!” in a demeaning way. When I started learning about the brain, I discovered there is some truth to this. When you’re on green, you’re closer to your chronological age.